Last week, on Mother’s day, I was planning on doing a FB live to talk about my mission to bring awareness to the shame women carry and talk about the experience of missing my mom who passed away in 2012.
I recorded my talk a few times, but I just wasn’t satisfied with the way I looked or how I sounded.
Then, I started to cry.
I reached out to one of my art coaching friends and we had a long talk about what I was feeling: shame about my weight.
You see, my mom was ashamed of being overweight all of her adult life. I’m talking at least 100 pounds overweight.
We had a “candy drawer” in the kitchen that was always stocked with candy bars & treats to eat every afternoon.
I was a skinny active kid, so yay, M&M’s for me! (It’s no wonder I have issues around food.)
Mom wasn’t active at all.
We would drive around the parking lot at the mall for 15 minutes waiting for a close spot to open up. Flights of stairs were out of the question, she would get too winded and tired. We even moved into a single story home so she wouldn’t have to climb any stairs.
My mom was 36 years older than me, and I got to see first hand the damage an unhealthy lifestyle causes.
She had her first heart attack at the age of 58, followed by multiple obesity related illnesses that caused her to miss out on the last 20 years of her life.
This is why I work so hard on staying fit. I do yoga twice a week and recently bought a Peloton spin bike that I am obsessed with. I eat healthy breakfasts and mostly vegetarian dinners.
But, when I get emotionally stressed, or I get PMS… I binge eat… usually chocolate and usually around 3:30 in the afternoon.
These past few months have been really stressful for me. Turning 50, the whole “Nana” thing and working my tail off launching my art business around female shame.
The result is, I’ve put on 10 lbs after I lost 30 lbs last year. And I’m ashamed of myself.
My theme for this year is to talk about how to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Right now, admitting this to you, is <<extremely>> uncomfortable.
SHAME about weight is something every woman carries. And deciding to go public with my message is truly “leaning into the discomfort of the work.” (quote by Brene Brown)
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